What’s Wrong With My Brain?

Perimenopause, ADHD, pressure, all the questions I am asking myself in midlife

I kept Googling ADHD symptoms.I’ve always struggled with focus.I’m deeply sensitive.I work in intense bursts of energy.I find it hard to finish one task before my attention moves elsewhere.

What I was really searching for was an explanation, a way to fix how I was feeling…. overwhelmed, confused tired, emotionally unregulated, dissatisfied…. a failure.

Those words felt heavy to even think, let alone admit. But they were there, quietly looping in my mind on the days when I couldn’t focus, when my motivation disappeared, when the version of me that usually runs a business, stays patient with the kids, holds others, and makes decisions felt strangely out of office.

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As a women’s wellness coach, that inner narrative felt especially uncomfortable. I should know how to manage my energy. I should be more regulated. I should be coping better.

Ironically, my clients will tell you that should is a banned word in my world. It tends to strip us of compassion and turn difficulty into something we blame ourselves for.

But underneath all the “shoulds” was something much simpler and much more human.

I didn’t feel broken. I felt like I didn’t recognise myself.

There are days when I sit down to work and genuinely don’t know which version of me is going to show up.

Focused and clear.Foggy and overwhelmed.Confident and capable.Or quietly doubting everything I’ve built.

For a long time, I thought this meant something was wrong with me.

I run a business. I support women in their bodies, their nervous systems, their health. I should be able to manage my own energy, my own emotions, my own mind. And yet there were days where the inner critic was so loud it felt destabilising. Days where motivation disappeared overnight. Days where my brain felt scattered and unfinished and noisy.

So I did what many women do....

I googled ADHD symptoms, along with everything else.

Sometimes convinced I’d found the answer. Sometimes relieved. Sometimes more confused than before.

And I’m not going to lie, I found a lot of comfort in feeling that maybe I do have ADHD, or some other kind of attention disorder, that somehow this would give me the permission I needed.Before I go on, I want to be clear and respectful. I’m not minimising ADHD or the very real experiences of those who live with it, nor am I suggesting that diagnosis or support isn’t important. This is simply my personal reflection. I don’t have a diagnosis, and for now I’m just staying curious.

However….what I didn’t understand at the time was that I wasn’t failing.I was and I am, navigating a transition.

The season no one really prepares you for

For many women, perimenopause doesn’t arrive quietly.

It arrives while you’re running a business.While you’re raising children.While you’re caring for ageing parents.While you’re holding emotional, mental, and logistical responsibility in every direction.

It arrives in the decade where you’re expected to be at your most competent, most resilient, most capable, most useful.

And yet, internally, something starts to feel different.

Your body can start to feel less predictable.Your stress tolerance shifts.Your sleep changes.Your emotions feel closer to the surface.Your thoughts become louder, sharper, more self-critical.

Not every day.But often enough to make you question yourself.

“Why can’t I cope like I used to?”

This is the question I hear again and again from women I work with.

Women who are strong.Women who are capable.Women who have handled a lot already.

And it’s the question I ask myself too, almost daily.

I think the mistake we make is assuming this is a mindset problem.Or a discipline problem.Or a resilience problem.

But perimenopause isn’t just a hormonal shift. It’s a nervous system shift.

Hormones don’t just affect reproduction of course. They influence how much capacity we have to handle stress, how deeply and consistently we sleep, how safe or threatened the world feels inside our bodies.

When those hormones fluctuate, the nervous system can become more reactive. Not broken.

Just more sensitive.And the more sensitive the system becomes, the more intense everything can feel.

The same workload that once felt manageable can suddenly feel heavy.The same thoughts that once passed quietly can now loop loudly.The same emotions can feel harder to regulate.The steady energy you once relied on now peaks and dips like the mobile reception in the Forest of Dean

And if you don’t understand that this is happening at a physiological level, it’s very easy to turn on yourself.

The inner critic gets louder when the system is under strain

One of the most unsettling parts for me is how loud my inner critic can become.

Questioning my decisions.Doubting my competence.Telling me I am behind, failing, not doing enough.

As a women’s wellness coach, that feels particularly uncomfortable. I am meant to be the calm one. The regulated one. The grounded one.

But here’s what I now understand, both personally and professionally:

When the nervous system is under sustained load, the mind looks for certainty. It scans for threat. It tightens its grip.

The inner critic isn’t a character flaw. It’s often a nervous system strategy.

A way of trying to control, predict, and stay safe in a body that feels less stable than it used to.

Why so many women lose trust in themselves in midlife

I see this constantly in the women I coach, who come to my sessions and around my friends.

Women in their late 30s, 40s, early 50s suddenly questioning their attention, focus, memory, and motivation. Wondering why things that once felt straightforward now feel harder to access.

Often, that questioning turns into searching. Looking for an explanation. A label. Something that might make sense of the change.

What I also see, again and again, is this:

• poor sleep

• heightened stress reactivity

• hormonal fluctuation

• cognitive overload

• emotional labour

• little to no recovery time

  
  

All of which directly affect focus, decision-making, and emotional regulation.

When the nervous system is under near-constant pressure, the brain struggles to prioritise, filter, and settle. Not because something is “wrong”, but because the system is working hard to keep up.

That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body is responding intelligently to sustained demand.

Why this isn’t about “calming down”

One of the biggest misunderstandings about nervous system work is that it’s about being calm all the time.

It isn’t.

It’s about flexibility. It’s about recovery. It’s about having somewhere to land when life is demanding.

Perimenopause and menopause is not the time to push harder, optimise more, or demand better performance from your body.

It’s a time to understand it.

To learn what stress feels like early, not when you’re already depleted. To learn how your breath, your posture, your pace, your expectations influence how you feel. To build capacity, not perfection.

Why breathwork matters here

Breathwork doesn’t fix perimenopause, menopause, stress or whatever else you think you need to ‘fix’

It doesn’t replace HRT. It doesn’t override biology. It doesn’t make life suddenly easy. It isn’t a silver bullet

What it does is give the nervous system information.

Slow, steady breathing can signal safety.Gentle awareness can interrupt stress loops.Consistent practice can improve sleep, emotional tolerance, and recovery.

Most importantly, it gives us agency.

When your body feels unpredictable, having something you can do that genuinely shifts how you feel matters.

Not to control yourself.But to support yourself.

The women I see every day

I see women holding families together.Women navigating teenage emotions and ageing parents at the same time.

Women running businesses while quietly questioning their own capacity.

Women who feel guilty for struggling because, on paper, their lives look fine.

And I see women beginning to struggle in their relationships too. Feeling less understood. Less heard. Less met where they are. Not because anyone is failing, but because they themselves are changing, and the language for that change hasn’t always caught up.

So many of them say the same thing:

“I just don’t feel like myself anymore.”

And my honest response is this:

You’re not meant to feel like the version of you from ten years ago.

You’re becoming something else.

This transition asks for different support.Different expectations.Different conversations.

A quieter, kinder reframe

If you’re in this season, I want you to hear this:

You’re not failing.

You’re adapting.

Your body is communicating.

Your nervous system is asking for support, not judgement.

Perimenopause isn’t a problem to be solved. It’s a passage to be navigated.

And the more we understand what’s happening beneath the surface, the less alone, ashamed, or destabilised we feel moving through it.

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do isn’t push ourselves to cope better.

It’s learn how to listen differently.

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